Haddad Gets Inspiration from T. Max

So a few weekends ago, I was (of course) belligerently drunk while walking back to my dorm from the frats. As I was stopped at the crosswalk, swaying, and singing a completely off-tune rendition of "Rocky Mountain High", a girl said "Hey I like your hat." Now I figure when I'm so noticeably hammered and a girl is actually the one initiating the conversation, there's prolly something wrong with her (I was able to realize this even under the influence of excessive alcohol). As I start to continue the conversation, I can tell that she's very mediocre in looks. Upon this realization, I have a vision...I'm never gonna have to see or talk to this girl again, why not see how much of an asshole I can be and still get some! After all I figured if I take it overboard, the worst that happens is i dont get to hook up, I go home, eat peanut butter, and pass the fuck out. So here starts my adventure. As we continue walking along together, I ask her "What year are you?" She replies, "I'm a 5th year senior, you?" I tell her I'm a freshman and begin to crack up...."What's so funny?" she asks. I reply, "Wow you must have NO standards to be picking up wasted freshman guys who are 4 years younger than you!" Amazingly...she laughs, thinking I'm just joking around...Alright I think we can all see from here this bitch really is dumb. I continue to mock her and tell her she should find new ways of meeting guys besides telling them they like their hat. She just laughs alongside, again thinking I'm laughing with her, instead of at her. Finally we get to her house. We get inside and start hooking up, I realize I've forgotten a condom. I very bluntly tell her, "I don't have a rubber, unless u have a rubber, I'm not fucking you." She replies, "I don't have a condom either sorry." I then proceed to tell her "Well thats alright you can just suck me off." This bitch never seizes to amaze as she unquestionably complies. As soon as I shoot my load in her mouth, I get up tell her I'm leaving and walk out. No number, no name, no nothing. Tucker Max knew what the fuck he was doing after all...